I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
