She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
