oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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