Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
