Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
