I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
