Kiss
Puke
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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