I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i would one night stand the shit outta him
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
