Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
