I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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