we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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