hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.