fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."