so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room