I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
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Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?