Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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