when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
