I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
