Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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