but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
