is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
