Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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