Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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