I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
