She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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