im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
