Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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