I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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