Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
