Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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