I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
