your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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