did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
