So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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