Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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