yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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