2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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