I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
