Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
where am i from again
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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