I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
