Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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