In the future we'll all be gay
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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