i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
