just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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