you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
