Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
