What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
