Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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