I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
