my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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