we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
