I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We left an ass print on the piano.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
