Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
