I didn't shave. On purpose
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
