mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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