12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
