i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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