Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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