I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
