No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
