Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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