Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
