..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
