just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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